Understand yourself: The impression you make
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- Learn to monitor the way you present yourself.
- Learn to be more aware of the impression you give to others.
“I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around my advisor to make sure he knows that I take school seriously. It’s absolutely exhausting and I sometimes forget what’s really important to me.”
“People tell me I don’t smile enough and that I appear upset or unfriendly, but in my country smiling isn’t perceived the same way as it is in the United States. I’m trying to adapt my facial expressions to fit the culture of my department, but it’s tough sometimes.”
“I am an individual and I like that I don’t fit the mold of other students. If other people can’t see me for who I am, then they aren’t people I want in my life!”
“We are all just actors trying to control and manage our public image; we act based on how others might see us.”—Erving Goffman
It’s important to consider the impression you give to others. How you present yourself in graduate school and your social life makes a difference, and it makes a difference every day. Self-presentation requires constant monitoring. What things do you want to project in certain situations: power, friendliness, competence, attractiveness?
Gender role expectations play a sizable role in how women’s self-presentations are interpreted. Stereotypes too often interfere with the recognition that women are competent and strong and can at the same time be friendly and attractive. Being perceived as competent is important in the academic setting in that you’ll have more opportunities to be recognized and get ahead. Being alert to the impression you intend to make and how it is perceived is another skill to add to your toolbox.
The impression you make on those who are critical to your academic success (i.e., your advisor, department chair, other faculty members and labmates) matters from the first to the last day of graduate school. The professors and colleagues you have now will continue to be influential in your future, as they will write your recommendation letters and include you in their professional networks.Your peers may become the referees of your publications, award judges, and even employers.
The impressions you give others and the relationships you form throughout your academic and professional career are likely to follow you over the long term. Stereotypes and expectations of how you’ll do at a particular task can cloud initial impressions. For example, a student’s outburst in class about a controversial topic may be revealed to future colleagues who, in turn, may expect the student to be volatile, emotional or unprofessional. Their expectation could influence their decision whether to include the student on a project or invite them to a conference because, while disconfirming evidence should be sought, it seldom is.
Understanding Social Cues
Social cues help to individuate a person. That is, they provide a richer and more complete personal impression and thereby influence various social processes. While we are taught to not judge a book by its cover, we often do. Unfortunately, this tendency can produce inaccurate impressions of people’s personality traits and has social consequences (Zebrowitz, 2017). That’s why it is important to be aware of your social cues, including body language.
Understanding Your Social Cues
Body Posture / Language
Open vs Closed – Two forms of posture have been identified: “open” and “closed,” which may reflect an individual’s degree of confidence (sitting tall), defensiveness (crossed arms), discomfort (leaning away), status (sitting behind a desk), or receptivity to (leaning toward) another person. Being too close can be perceived as personally invasive.
Mirroring – body posture indicates interest and approval between people.
Voice Pitch and Tone
Para-language relates to all aspects of the voice that are not strictly part of the verbal message. This includes the tone and pitch of the voice, the speed and volume at which a message is delivered, and pauses and hesitations between words. For example, people may speak in a lower pitch when they are tired, whereas they may speak in a higher pitch than usual when surprised or nervous.
Reflections: Monitoring Your Behavior
Respond to the following TRUE/FALSE questions as honestly as possible.
1. I use social cues to gauge how I should act in a specific situation.
2. I can modify my behavior to emulate the behavior of those around me.
3. In order to be liked, I change how I say things to give people what I think they want.
4. I openly express my opinions, attitudes and feelings regardless of where I am.
5. I can only stand up for something I truly believe in.
6. I am unable to change my behavior in different situations or around different types of people.
If you responded True to the first three questions, you monitor yourself highly and regulate your behavior to fit the situation you are in. This doesn’t mean you’re deceptive about your true feelings; you are just more aware of what will be accepted in the company of others. You are more likely to get along with others and be accepted into new social groups.
On the other hand, if you answered True to the last three questions, you do not monitor yourself, which suggests you may have a difficult time adjusting your behavior around different types of people.
Consider the impression you want to make in a particular context. For example, expressing your political beliefs, relationship troubles, or activist affiliations may be rewarding among friends but risky in academic environments where your views may deter others from championing you as a future professional. It’s important to strike a balance between your possible selves—an emerging professional and a young adult with unique viewpoints and a zest for adventure!
Have you ever sent an email to your professor only to get a short, ambiguous response? How about a time when your email was taken to mean something else? Perhaps you asked for an assignment to be explained differently and instead of a response, you got singled out in class and treated like you knew nothing?
Research suggests that indirect interactions (particularly email communication) can be construed differently and give a skewed perception more than face-to-face interactions. Printed words lack more obvious cues than spoken words and give way to multiple interpretations. Not surprisingly, then, initial expectations and stereotypes will be confirmed through electronic correspondence, and once an impression is formed, it is difficult to disconfirm it.
Be mindful of the message you are trying to convey and if it will be received well via email. The next time you have an important question, consider scheduling an in-person or Zoom/Skype meeting to get your point across.
If you’re like most graduate students (and people in general), you probably have a profile or account with at least one social networking site. It’s an easy way to keep in touch with family and friends and often a way to vent frustrations or take a break from a long day. Unfortunately, it’s also easy to forget who may be seeing the information you choose to post, such as faculty, research team members, and future employers.
Recent improvements to social networking sites, particularly the news feed feature on sites like Facebook that publicizes all changes you make to your entire network of friends, can prove detrimental when you’re trying to maintain a professional image. Those who may not regularly look at your page are now privy to your status updates, relationship changes, and recently uploaded photos. Keep in mind that information posted on the web stays on the web. While it may seem fun now, it may come back to haunt you when you are on the job hunt or worse, up for tenure. There are ways to avoid some of the common pitfalls of social media.
Do’s
- Choose your social network friends wisely.
- Be cautious of posting opinions you wouldn’t express offline.
- Monitor your group affiliations (e.g., political groups, hobbies)
- Limit the amount of time you spend updating your status (some suggest less than 20 minutes a day).
- Privatize photo albums.
- Be mindful of what photos you allow others to tag you in.
- Block search features to limit profile access to “non-friends.”
- Consider changing your personal profile name to something else (nickname or middle name) to prevent colleagues and students from sending you friend requests.
- Consider making a professional social network page to share your research, studies, and lab achievements with your colleagues.
- Make your profile private and only accessible to your family and close friends.
Don’ts
- Openly accept friendships with colleagues and professors.
- Vent your frustration toward a particular assignment or a recent meeting with your advisor.
- Follow groups/organizations that reveal more about you than you share openly.
- Update your moment-to-moment activity and spend more hours online than in the lab doing your research.
- Post photos from a fun weekend out on the town and allow all members to view your album.
- Allow friends to take your picture and tag you in any photo they want, including parties, nights on the town and days by the pool.
- Openly allow anyone to search you through common engines like Google and Yahoo and view your profile without your approval.
- Use your full name on social media that may be easily accessible
- Accept colleagues as friends on your personal page. Direct them to your professional page.
- Accept all “friends” on your social media page.
Reflections: Caught in a Double Bind?
Norms are powerful guides for behavior. It has been well-established that people prefer to work with those most similar to them. However, this logic would advise women in STEM to present a version of themselves most similar to their male coworkers in order to increase the likelihood of their social acceptance and the productivity of their work relationships. While increasing social connection and feelings of belonging in the workplace is ideal, it can come at the cost of feeling personally inauthentic if it requires suppressing important aspects of oneself.
Read the following comments and determine how many of them remind you of your own situation.
- I feel like I can’t do anything right. If I show that I know how to do the work, my colleagues think I’m arrogant. But if I try to be more modest, my professors think I don’t belong in the program.
- I spend tons of hours in the lab every day doing research, while my male colleagues come in late, socialize and then leave early.
- My advisor rarely gives me positive feedback even though I produce more than my colleagues do and work twice as hard.
- When it comes to getting nominated for fellowships or invited to conferences, I always seem to be last on the list. It’s as if I’m held to different standards than the men in my department.
- When I’m in charge of a research team I get so much resentment from my colleagues. They don’t understand why I stress time management and develop weekly goal sheets. It’s like I can’t win. My advisor wants the work done, but my team criticizes me for pushing us to meet the deadlines.
- If I go to the lab wearing makeup and have my hair done, people around here think that I have too much free time on my hands.
If you identify with any of these comments, you are not alone. As women struggle to move up in their careers, particularly in male-dominated fields, they often encounter opposition that stems from gender stereotypes. They are perceived either as overly feminine and not taken seriously, or overly masculine and too intimidating to work with. If they are permitted into leadership positions, they work twice as hard as their male counterparts for less of a pay-off. And, often, if they are perceived as competent, it comes with the price of not being liked.
Self-test
Erica has been reading a lot of posts recently concerning recent political issues. She feels quite strongly about an issue and wants to post a clear statement expressing her viewpoint. She is unsure, however, as she has some job interviews next week.
What would be the best thing for her to do?
A. Make a public statement. How she feels about the issue is an extension of who she is, and it’s important for everyone to be able to see that.
B. Don’t post the statement. “If you’re unsure, don’t do it” is probably a good rule to follow.
B is the correct answer, It is always important to stand for what you believe, but doing so via social media isn’t always the best route to take. While making a social media post about political issues may at times be appropriate, answer B is a better option, as it reflects a good rule-of-thumb: if you’re unsure, listen to yourself—it may be better to take the safe route and avoid any unintended consequences.
Impressions matter throughout your graduate school years, and beyond. The way you present yourself can impact funding support, research opportunities and future letters of recommendation. Being aware of the impression you want to give others in your department will help you form better relationships and be more successful in the long term. It’s helpful to use social cues to guide you and ensure you make the impression you intend.
Be aware of how and to whom you present yourself on social networking sites.
Be aware of the impression you make to others because it can influence future relationships.
Impressions are based on expectations. Make sure you present yourself in a professional manner from the first to the last day of graduate school.
Monitor your virtual self-presentation and remember that emails are not always read the way you intend them to be.
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