Understand yourself: How you think

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Learn how your habits of thinking direct how you feel, how you explain successes and setbacks, and how you respond to life events.
Learn to pay attention to your thinking.

“I am getting nowhere fast on my dissertation! Come to think of it, all of grad school has been a struggle for me. I just don’t know if I’m going to make it.”

“The other students are so much better than I am. I’ll never understand how I got accepted here in the first place.”

If you’re like most graduate students, you may worry about not finishing your program more often than you’d like to admit. Even small annoyances can trigger your thinking about all the bad aspects of your situation. Unless you stop yourself, it’s easy to get caught up in your negativity. Your thinking becomes exaggerated, which impacts how you feel and behave.

Thinking refers to your internal dialogue about anything that comes up in your moment-to-moment, day-to-day life. Most people repeat ways of talking to themselves about the situations they encounter. These patterns of internal dialogue are referred to as thinking habits. When habitual patterns of thinking pop up even without your awareness, they are called automatic thoughts. As habits, you may not even notice your automatic thinking reactions to even minor situations. Unless you catch yourself in the midst of these thinking habits and actively work at changing them, you are likely to repeat the same patterns of thoughts.

What Do You Tell Yourself?

One aspect of thinking habits has to do with how you explain your successes or failures. Psychological scientists use the term “attribution style” for this category of thinking habits. For example:

When something bad happens, do you tend to blame something or someone else, or do you usually blame yourself? (Internal vs. External attribution style)
Do you usually view your accomplishments as something you had control over, or something that was outside of your control? (Controllable vs. Uncontrollable attribution style)
If something bad happens, do you tell yourself you will do things better next time, or do you expect to have continued bad luck? (Stable vs. Unstable attribution style)

Women more than men may attribute success to luck or external sources and to attribute failure to their own shortcomings. This attribution bias has been documented in STEM fields where gender stereotypes prevail.

Similarly, many highly successful people, especially women, believe that they are not actually as deserving or intelligent as their accomplishments would lead people to believe. This is sometimes referred to as the “imposter syndrome,” because these individuals worry that one day people will realize that they are actually not as smart as others perceive them to be.

Self-test

Which of the following statements is true?

A. What you think has no effect on how you feel.
B. Automatic thoughts are spontaneous and therefore cannot be changed.
C. It is better to have an uncontrollable than an unstable attribution style.
D. Automatic thoughts can be interrupted and replaced.

D is the correct answer,

The correct answer is D – Automatic thoughts are spontaneous thoughts that pop into our minds. Automatic thoughts may influence our mood and behaviors but are often based on erroneous assumptions. It is important to catch these thoughts to interrupt them from influencing our outcomes. The more you practice identifying automatic thoughts, the easier it will be to interrupt and replace them with healthy thinking.

How you mentally explain (think about) events in your life will influence how you feel and how you react. Consider the example below:

Eva, an engineering student, discovers that a few members of her cohort went to a Friday happy hour without her.

Option 1
Thought – “My cohort is starting to form a clique. They purposefully left me out!”
Associated Feeling – Anger, Hurt
Behavior & Outcome – Eva ignores her cohort in class. She doesn’t get invited to the next cohort event.

Option 2
Thought – “Oh well, they probably think I still do date night with my partner on Fridays.”
Associated Feeling – Disappointment
Behavior & Outcome – Eva makes sure her cohort knows that date night is now on Wednesdays. She is invited to next Friday’s happy hour.

You could also use what is known as a Thought Record to notice your automatic thoughts and challenge negative thinking. Try applying the thought record method to an incident you experienced in the last month

Column 1 – Identify the situation (triggers), you had before the automatic thought

Column 2 – Identify your emotion (e.g. self-doubt, anxiety, etc.) from the automatic thought and rate it on intensity from 1-5; higher number meaning more intensity

Column 3 – Identify the automatic thought (e.g., what did you tell yourself, image, what does it mean?)

Column 4 – Identify facts that support your automatic thought

Column 5 – Identify thoughts that provide evidence against your automatic thought

Column 6 – Based on the facts, develop a more balanced alternative to your automatic thought

Column 7 – Re-rate your initial emotion based on the balanced alternative.

Most people find that their balanced alternative thought reduces the intense feeling of the initial automatic thought. This process may help you identify or create new emotions (e.g. calmer, focused, etc.)

People with positive expectancies for the future are described as having optimistic thinking habits. They make more effort and use an active style of coping with problems and stress. Others with pessimistic thinking habits tend to notice mostly the down side, exaggerate the negative aspects of situations, assume the worst for the future, and give up more easily.

Pessimistic thinking styles are associated with stress and depression. It is not surprising that optimistic thinking is associated with academic persistence and success as well as physical and psychological well-being.

Optimistic thinking sets you on the course for constructive action. For example, you might view an upcoming dissertation proposal meeting as an opportunity for disaster or as a chance to strut your stuff. The disaster scenario, a thinking habit, accounts for your sweaty palms and heart palpitations. The show-off scenario, an alternative thinking habit, helps you focus on rehearsing your presentation.

Neither an overly pessimistic nor an overly optimistic thinking pattern is conducive to academic persistence. Instead, students who attribute threats to their career goals to both internal and external factors, and think that the internal factors are controllable, will likely be more creative and engaged in their career development process. In other words, if you are willing to stop blaming yourself for setbacks, and at the same time see that you play a role in creating a positive outcome, you are setting yourself up for success.

Rule #1: How you think is connected to how you feel.

Rule #2: Problems are a normal part of life — nothing’s perfect no matter how hard you try.

Rule #3: Everyone makes mistakes, even you.

Rule #4: Each time you focus on negative thoughts, you are ignoring other positive aspects of your life.

Rule #5: Think of problems as challenges that teach you lessons, not as threats to your success.

Using these rules, how would you think about the following problem? Don’t choose what you think is the “right” answer, respond with YOUR answer. This is an exercise in self-reflection, not being “right.”

Yesterday, your lab group learned that the grant that you have been working on for 3 years was not renewed. You’re worried that some of the group will not have funding for the upcoming year. You were out for 6 weeks this year on maternity leave so maybe you’re the first one on the chopping block. You have worked over 50 hours each week to make up for it and you completed the toughest part of your group’s analysis. But what will happen if your group doesn’t have funding for your lab?

Rule #1:

a. If you think about the worst-case scenario, you will be better prepared for what’s to come.
b. If you blame your maternity leave, you’ll feel better about why you lost your job.
c. If you focus on the possible, but not known, negative outcomes, you’ll stress yourself out unnecessarily.

Rule #2:

a. These types of things happen with grants, you’ll have to deal with it.
b. How could you let this happen?
c. This problem is very much your fault because you went on maternity leave.

Rule #3:

a. You should have waited to have the baby.
b. The timing of the baby wasn’t perfect, but when is there a “perfect” time?
c. You deserve to be the first one cut because you left the team for 6 weeks.

Rule #4:

a. When you beat yourself up about your maternity leave, you forget how much you looked forward to being a mom.
b. You have to think of your choices realistically and the negative impacts of them.
c. If you think of the negative impacts of your maternity leave, you will value your job more.

Rule #5:

This situation could leave you and your family without much needed financial resources.
If you don’t get alternative funding, you will definitely not graduate on time.
You’re savvy and smart enough to work through this challenge, regardless of how the situation with the grant turns out.

The “Healthy Thinking Habits” are:

If you find yourself jumping to negative conclusions, this may reflect a pattern of “negative self-talk.”
Negative self-talk refers to self-defeating internal dialogue or mottos that you have adopted, like “This always happens” or “Why me?” or “Hope for the best but expect the worst.” These types of self-statements color your perceptions of things and create negative feelings that cause stress and stifle motivation.

See the Increase Positive Self-Talk module for more on this topic

Psychologists propose that distorted or dysfunctional thinking undergirds individual variations in well-being and emotional and behavioral response to stress (Beck, 2011; Ellis, 1962; Ellis & Ellis, 2011). One way to start on the road to adapting more constructive thinking habits is to catch yourself using self-defeating ones. Do any of these typical irrational thinking habits describe your internal dialogue?

All-or-nothing thinking
Thinking of things in absolute terms, like “always,” “every,” or “never.”
“If I don’t get this article published, I will never publish.”

Jumping to conclusions
Assuming something negative where there is no evidence to support it.
“I saw that others were laughing while I was giving my presentation. They must think I am stupid.”

Fortune-telling
Predicting how things will turn out before they happen.
“If my advisor sees this mistake, he will think I am not meant for this field.”

Catastrophizing
Focusing on the worst possible outcome, or thinking that a situation is impossible when it is really just difficult.
“Having a child while I am in graduate school will ruin my chances of graduating and getting a good job.”

“Awfulizing”
Focusing on negative aspects of something while ignoring the rest.
“The number of hours I put in at the lab are awful. What a terrible use of my time.”

Perfectionism
Holding unreasonably high expectations about either one’s own performance or others’ performance.
“I scored higher than most of my classmates on this exam, but I messed up one of the variables in this equation. I will have to study harder next time.”

Personalizing
Assuming you or others directly caused things when that is not the case.
“The lab funding is being cut because my lab partners and I wasted so many supplies this semester.”

Self-test #2

Arati has been acting strange all week. Vivianna ignored her weird mood for the first couple days but is now starting to wonder why she isn’t speaking with her. Arati usually works with her on their regression model but she chose to work alone today, for the third day in a row. They always go to lunch together, which is a big deal to Vivianna because she is the only other woman in their lab. But this week, Arati has left campus for lunch each day. Vivianna is starting to wonder what is going on. She spends most of the day speculating what she has done and whether Arati is angry at her. She thinks, if I’ve lost Arati as a friend, I will be miserable in this lab group because I’m not close with anyone else. How will I get my work done alone?
Which of the following self-defeating thoughts from the above table is Vivianna having?
A. All-or-nothing thinking
B. Jumping to conclusions
C. Catastrophizing
D. Personalizing
E. All of them

E is the correct answer, E is the correct answer: Vivianna has managed to do all of the things in the table above in a short “thought-ramble.” A thought-ramble entails having a string of negative self-talk, including illogical thoughts and unfounded conclusions, strung together. Maybe Arati is having a difficult week — she could be going through many typical stressors, such as family problems, financial difficulties, feeling inadequate in her program, or worrying about the future. Vivianna is not considering Arati’s “true” feelings because she has not even spoken to her. Yet she has created a very negative scenario in a matter of seconds. Unnecessary! This could be avoided by NOT making assumptions and by asking a simple and probably much appreciated set of questions such as, “How are you?” or “Is everything OK?”

Check your interpretation of situations – many times it is not the event that causes us stress, it is the way we decide to interpret it.

How you think can influence your feelings, reactions (body sensations), and behaviors.

Noticing your automatic thoughts and unhelpful assumptions can help you develop more balanced thinking.

There is usually another way to look at a situation – practice flexible thinking by asking yourself, “What would a good friend tell me about this?”

Practice validating and affirming yourself as a good friend would

For more ideas visit Increase Positive Self Talk

Thinking habits matter. How you explain your success or failure may actually influence how much effort you invest in the future. So pay attention to your thinking and give yourself credit for your achievements.

Some thinking habits are better than others. Learn and rely on healthy thinking habits — those that challenge untested assumptions, exclude self-blame, and welcome flexibility.

Some people are tougher on themselves than they are on others. Attack your negative, self-blaming thoughts with the same arguments that you would use with a self-critical, self-deprecating friend. Be a friend to yourself!

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