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Understand Yourself: The Impression You Make
- Learn to be more aware of the impression you give to others.
- Learn to monitor the way you present yourself.
“I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around my advisor to make sure he knows that I take school seriously. It’s absolutely exhausting and I sometimes forget what’s really important to me.”
“People tell me I don’t smile enough and that I appear upset or unfriendly, but in my country smiling isn’t perceived the same way as it is in the United States. I’m trying to adapt my facial expressions to fit the culture of my department, but it’s tough sometimes.”
“I am an individual and I like that I don’t fit the mold of other students. If other people can’t see me for who I am, then they aren’t people I want in my life!”
“We are all just actors trying to control and manage our public image; we act based on how others might see us.”—Erving Goffman
It’s important to consider the impression you give to others. How you present yourself in graduate school and your social life makes a difference, and it makes a difference every day. Self-presentation requires constant monitoring. What things do you want to project in certain situations: power, friendliness, competence, attractiveness?
Gender role expectations play a sizable role in how women’s self-presentations are interpreted. Stereotypes too often interfere with the recognition that women are competent and strong and can at the same time be friendly and attractive. Being perceived as competent is important in the academic setting in that you’ll have more opportunities to be recognized and get ahead. Being alert to the impression you intend to make and how it is perceived is another skill to add to your toolbox.
The impression you make on those who are critical to your academic success (i.e., your advisor, department chair, other faculty members and labmates) matters from the first to the last day of graduate school. The professors and colleagues you have now will continue to be influential in your future, as they will write your recommendation letters and include you in their professional networks.Your peers may become the referees of your publications, award judges, and even employers.
The impressions you give others and the relationships you form throughout your academic and professional career are likely to follow you over the long term. Stereotypes and expectations of how you’ll do at a particular task can cloud initial impressions. For example, a student’s outburst in class about a controversial topic may be revealed to future colleagues who, in turn, may expect the student to be volatile, emotional or unprofessional. Their expectation could influence their decision whether to include the student on a project or invite them to a conference because, while disconfirming evidence should be sought, it seldom is.
Understanding Social Cues
Social cues help to individuate a person. That is, they provide a richer and more complete personal impression and thereby influence various social processes. While we are taught to not judge a book by its cover, we often do. Unfortunately, this tendency can produce inaccurate impressions of people’s personality traits and has social consequences (Zebrowitz, 2017). That’s why it is important to be aware of your social cues, including body language.
Understanding Your Social Cues | |
Body Posture / Language |
Open vs Closed Two forms of posture have been identified: “open” and “closed,” which may reflect an individual's degree of confidence (sitting tall), defensiveness (crossed arms), discomfort (leaning away), status (sitting behind a desk), or receptivity to (leaning toward) another person. Being too close can be perceived as personally invasive. Mirroring body posture indicates interest and approval between people. |
Voice Pitch and Tone | Para-language relates to all aspects of the voice that are not strictly part of the verbal message. This includes the tone and pitch of the voice, the speed and volume at which a message is delivered, and pauses and hesitations between words. For example, people may speak in a lower pitch when they are tired, whereas they may speak in a higher pitch than usual when surprised or nervous. |
Reflections: Monitoring Your Behavior
Respond to the following TRUE/FALSE questions as honestly as possible.
1. I use social cues to gauge how I should act in a specific situation.
2. I can modify my behavior to emulate the behavior of those around me.
3. In order to be liked, I change how I say things to give people what I think they want.
4. I openly express my opinions, attitudes and feelings regardless of where I am.
5. I can only stand up for something I truly believe in.
6. I am unable to change my behavior in different situations or around different types of people.
If you responded True to the first three questions, you monitor yourself highly and regulate your behavior to fit the situation you are in. This doesn’t mean you’re deceptive about your true feelings; you are just more aware of what will be accepted in the company of others. You are more likely to get along with others and be accepted into new social groups.
On the other hand, if you answered True to the last three questions, you do not monitor yourself, which suggests you may have a difficult time adjusting your behavior around different types of people.
Consider the impression you want to make in a particular context. For example, expressing your political beliefs, relationship troubles, or activist affiliations may be rewarding among friends but risky in academic environments where your views may deter others from championing you as a future professional. It’s important to strike a balance between your possible selves—an emerging professional and a young adult with unique viewpoints and a zest for adventure!
Have you ever sent an email to your professor only to get a short, ambiguous response? How about a time when your email was taken to mean something else? Perhaps you asked for an assignment to be explained differently and instead of a response, you got singled out in class and treated like you knew nothing?
Research suggests that indirect interactions (particularly email communication) can be construed differently and give a skewed perception more than face-to-face interactions. Printed words lack more obvious cues than spoken words and give way to multiple interpretations. Not surprisingly, then, initial expectations and stereotypes will be confirmed through electronic correspondence, and once an impression is formed, it is difficult to disconfirm it.
Be mindful of the message you are trying to convey and if it will be received well via email. The next time you have an important question, consider scheduling an in-person or Zoom/Skype meeting to get your point across.
If you’re like most graduate students (and people in general), you probably have a profile or account with at least one social networking site. It’s an easy way to keep in touch with family and friends and often a way to vent frustrations or take a break from a long day. Unfortunately, it’s also easy to forget who may be seeing the information you choose to post, such as faculty, research team members, and future employers.
Recent improvements to social networking sites, particularly the news feed feature on sites like Facebook that publicizes all changes you make to your entire network of friends, can prove detrimental when you’re trying to maintain a professional image. Those who may not regularly look at your page are now privy to your status updates, relationship changes, and recently uploaded photos. Keep in mind that information posted on the web stays on the web. While it may seem fun now, it may come back to haunt you when you are on the job hunt or worse, up for tenure. There are ways to avoid some of the common pitfalls of social media.
Do’s | Don'ts |
---|---|
Choose your social network friends wisely. | Openly accept friendships with colleagues and professors. |
Be cautious of posting opinions you wouldn’t express offline. | Vent your frustration toward a particular assignment or a recent meeting with your advisor. |
Monitor your group affiliations (e.g., political groups, hobbies) | Follow groups/organizations that reveal more about you than you share openly. |
Limit the amount of time you spend updating your status (some suggest less than 20 minutes a day). | Update your moment-to-moment activity and spend more hours online than in the lab doing your research. |
Privatize photo albums. | Post photos from a fun weekend out on the town and allow all members to view your album. |
Be mindful of what photos you allow others to tag you in. | Allow friends to take your picture and tag you in any photo they want, including parties, nights on the town and days by the pool. |
Block search features to limit profile access to “non-friends.” | Openly allow anyone to search you through common engines like Google and Yahoo and view your profile without your approval. |
Consider changing your personal profile name to something else (nickname or middle name) to prevent colleagues and students from sending you friend requests. | Use your full name on social media that may be easily accessible |
Consider making a professional social network page to share your research, studies, and lab achievements with your colleagues. | Accept colleagues as friends on your personal page. Direct them to your professional page. |
Make your profile private and only accessible to your family and close friends. | Accept all “friends” on your social media page. |
Reflections: Caught in a Double Bind?
Norms are powerful guides for behavior. It has been well-established that people prefer to work with those most similar to them. However, this logic would advise women in STEM to present a version of themselves most similar to their male coworkers in order to increase the likelihood of their social acceptance and the productivity of their work relationships. While increasing social connection and feelings of belonging in the workplace is ideal, it can come at the cost of feeling personally inauthentic if it requires suppressing important aspects of oneself.
Read the following comments and determine how many of them remind you of your own situation.
- I feel like I can’t do anything right. If I show that I know how to do the work, my colleagues think I’m arrogant. But if I try to be more modest, my professors think I don’t belong in the program.
- I spend tons of hours in the lab every day doing research, while my male colleagues come in late, socialize and then leave early.
- My advisor rarely gives me positive feedback even though I produce more than my colleagues do and work twice as hard.
- When it comes to getting nominated for fellowships or invited to conferences, I always seem to be last on the list. It’s as if I’m held to different standards than the men in my department.
- When I’m in charge of a research team I get so much resentment from my colleagues. They don’t understand why I stress time management and develop weekly goal sheets. It’s like I can’t win. My advisor wants the work done, but my team criticizes me for pushing us to meet the deadlines.
- If I go to the lab wearing makeup and have my hair done, people around here think that I have too much free time on my hands.
If you identify with any of these comments, you are not alone. As women struggle to move up in their careers, particularly in male-dominated fields, they often encounter opposition that stems from gender stereotypes. They are perceived either as overly feminine and not taken seriously, or overly masculine and too intimidating to work with. If they are permitted into leadership positions, they work twice as hard as their male counterparts for less of a pay-off. And, often, if they are perceived as competent, it comes with the price of not being liked.
Self-test
Erica has been reading a lot of posts recently concerning recent political issues. She feels quite strongly about an issue and wants to post a clear statement expressing her viewpoint. She is unsure, however, as she has some job interviews next week.
What would be the best thing for her to do?
- A. Make a public statement. How she feels about the issue is an extension of who she is, and it’s important for everyone to be able to see that.
- B. Don’t post the statement. “If you’re unsure, don’t do it” is probably a good rule to follow.
Impressions matter throughout your graduate school years, and beyond. The way you present yourself can impact funding support, research opportunities and future letters of recommendation. Being aware of the impression you want to give others in your department will help you form better relationships and be more successful in the long term. It’s helpful to use social cues to guide you and ensure you make the impression you intend.
- Be aware of the impression you make to others because it can influence future relationships.
- Impressions are based on expectations. Make sure you present yourself in a professional manner from the first to the last day of graduate school.
- Monitor your virtual self-presentation and remember that emails are not always read the way you intend them to be.
- Be aware of how and to whom you present yourself on social networking sites.
Banchefsky, S., Westfall, J., Park, B., & Judd, C. M. (2016). But you don’t look like a scientist!: Women scientists with feminine appearance are deemed less likely to be scientists. Sex Roles, 75(3), 95-109. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-016-0586-1
Catalyst. (2007). The double-bind dilemma for women in leadership: Damned if you do, doomed if you don’t. New York: Catalyst.
Epley, N., & Kruger, J. (2005). When what you type isn’t what they read: The perseverance of stereotypes and expectancies over e-mail. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 41, 414-422. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2004.08.005
Garr-Schultz, G. (2018). Strategic self-presentation of women in STEM. Social Sciences (Basel), 7(2), 20–. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci7020020
Gilrane, W. (2019). The consequences of making the right impressions for stem women: metastereotypes, impression management, and supervisor ratings. Archives of Scientific Psychology, 7(1), 22–31. https://doi.org/10.1037/arc0000065
Guadagno, R. E., & Cialdini, R. B. (2007). Gender differences in impression management in organizations: A qualitative review. Sex Roles, 56, 483-494. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-007-9187-3
Lerchenmueller, M. J., Sorenson, O., & Jena, A. B. (2019). Gender differences in how scientists present the importance of their research: observational study. bmj, 367. http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/bmj.l6573
Long, P., & Neff, K. D. (2018). Self-compassion is associated with reduced self-presentation concerns and increased student communication behavior. Learning and Individual Differences. 67, 223–231. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.lindif.2018.09.003
Moss-Racusin, C. A., & Rudman, L. A. (2010). Disruptions in women's self-promotion: The backlash avoidance model. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 34(2), 186-202. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.2010.01561.x
Oh, D. (2020). Gender biases in impressions from faces: Empirical studies and computational models. Journal of Experimental Psychology. General, 149(2), 323–342. https://doi.org/10.1037/xge0000638
Rudman, L. (1998). Self-promotion as a risk factor for women: the costs and benefits of counterstereotypical impression management. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74 3, 629–45. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.74.3.629
Rudman, L. A., & Glick, P. (2001). Prescriptive gender stereotypes and backlash toward agentic women. Journal of social issues, 57(4), 743-762. https://doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00239
Schrick, B. H., Sharp, E. A., Zvonkovic, A., & Reifman, A. (2012). Never let them see you sweat: Silencing and striving to appear perfect among US college women. Sex Roles, 67(11-12), 591-604. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-012-0223-6
Sezer, O., Gino, F., & Norton, M. I. (2018). Humblebragging: A distinct—and ineffective—self-presentation strategy. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(1), 52. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000108
Willis, J., & Todorov, A. (2006). First impressions: Making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face. Psychological Science, 17, 592–598. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01750.x
Zebrowitz, L. (2017). First impressions from faces. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 26(3), 237–242. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721416683996
Emphasizes the joy of being a faculty member
Getting Married During Graduate School
The decision to get married in graduate school
The importance of having a variety of mentors throughout your graduate experience
Words of Wisdom: Dr. Anderson-Rowland
The importance of finding a good advisor and making sure to get everything in writing
Urges female graduate students to persist in the field of mathematics because the field needs diversity
Becoming an Independent Voice as a Young Faculty Member
The process of establishing yourself in the same department as your spouse
The process of overcoming setbacks related to career options and personal relationships
Explains that satisfaction comes from working with students and the opportunity to make new discoveries
Explains an interdisciplinary branch of physics and the passion for research, service, and teaching
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The opportunity for freedom, growth, and collaboration as a faculty member
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Explains that satisfaction comes from working with students and the opportunity to make new disco
Explains that satisfaction comes from working with students and the opportunity to make new disco
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Advice on how to seek out support in graduate school and how to bounce back from setbacks.
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Elaborates on the standard practice of science despite cultural differences.
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When it's time to graduate and when it's important to start learning on the job.
Highlights the transition into graduate level science where the answers aren't known.
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Advice for students: stay focused, ask questions, and remain open-minded when working with others.
How to adapt experimental methods to match a lifestyle.
How to negotiate a schedule for raising a family and overcoming setbacks in a new career.
The importance of giving yourself credit and remembering why you are doing what you're doing.
The importance of peer relationships and the learning process that takes place despite concrete outc
Working with graduate students is a rewarding aspect of being a faculty member.
Advice for graduate students on how to maintain their confidence, courage, and dignity.
Emphasizes peer relationships and departmental climate.
How to handle being accused of having an affair with the advisor.
Explains an interdisciplinary branch of physics and the passion for research, service, and teaching.
Teaching as the impetus for work.
Discusses necessary precautions to take as a female student working late nights on campus.
Discusses necessary precautions to take as a female student working late nights on campus.
Being accused of cheating and regrets about not being more assertive.
Being accused of cheating and regrets about not being more assertive.
The importance of self-authorship and using graduate school as a process for self-definition.
Reminder that support can be found in unexpected places.
Urges female graduate students to persist in the field of mathematics because the field needs divers
How being unaware of being the only woman was advantageous to program success.
Alternatives to departmental isolation and the importance of networking.
Environmental issues faced in academia.
The importance of first impressions in choosing a graduate program.
Satisfaction comes from interacting with intelligent people across cultures.
Adjusting physical appearance to fit in with peers.
The importance of remembering that graduate school is only one part of a larger career.
Describes an incident of receiving a lower grade than a man for similar work.
The opportunity for freedom, growth, and collaboration as a faculty member.
How to survive the aftermath of a sexual harassment incident.
Highlights the gendered assumptions encountered as a faculty member.
The Importance of Having Positive Working Relationships: A Case Study
An alternative way to approach being the only woman in a given situation.
Contributions to the field are reflected through choices.
The importance of sharing stories of sexual harassment with others to gain support.
The importance of finding the right advisor to support your research goals.
How to handle being accused of having an affair with the advisor.
Explains when to confront a problem and when it may be better to maneuver around it.
How to be upfront, direct, and assertive when confronting instances of sexual harassment.
Highlights the universal customs of science.
Class performance builds confidence to remain in program.
Captures the annoyance of male colleagues making sexist assumptions and the challenges with conferen
The importance of recognizing the progress that has been made by women in science fields.
Advice for accomplishing your academic goals without making unnecessary compromises.
Emphasizes the challenge with saying no, but the importance of learning to do so.
How to make friends with colleagues to encourage a supportive environment.
Underscores the challenges that come from being the only woman in an academic department and gives s
Highlights an experience in which peers were not only colleagues, but also friends.
How the physical space in a laboratory allowed for collaboration among colleagues.
The importance of a good leader in setting standards for diversity, climate, and tenure policies.
How to observe others' reactions to subtle comments in order to gauge an appropriate response.
Urges students not to get wrapped into issues that do not directly involve them.
Departmental reactions to the choice to have children.
How to refute sexist comments and challenge gendered assumptions.
The importance of sharing stories of sexual harassment with others and realizing that you are not al
Confronting a male colleague with contradictory findings at a conference.
How colleagues can assist in making the transition into graduate life easier by sharing information
Captures the small but noticeable annoyances that come with being the only woman.
The importance of picking your battles to avoid unfair labeling.
Reminder that it is not necessary to feel comfortable socially to do good science.
Gender stereotypes faced in getting into graduate school and conducting research.
How to seek support from administrators outside the department when dealing with departmental sexism
The first realization that being a woman in science was outside the norm.
Challenges of being international and female, particularly with regards to an academic career and th
Suggestions for how to deal with sexist comments.
Playing a variety of roles as the only woman in the department.
The process of establishing yourself in the same department as your spouse.
Emphasizes positive peer relationships within her cohort.
The challenges of working in male-dominated academic environments and the negative stereotypes assoc
The feasibility of pursuing a family and science.
The importance of hearing other people's stories.
The importance of understanding priorities and allocating resources accordingly.
Advises how to keep family informed about research goals and progression from student to faculty mem
Explains some of the setbacks in dating relationships.
Advises students to continue to pursue their education because the payoff is self-respect.
The importance of believing in yourself, admitting your mistakes, and continuing to do what you love
How to accept non-traditional relationships and lifestyles in academia.
Notes the challenges of a dual career marriage and the obstacles in fighting for tenure and balancin
The process of overcoming setbacks related to career options and personal relationships.
How to balance motherhood responsibilities in graduate school.
The importance of supportive peer relationships.
Being married in graduate school and having children as a faculty member.
Advisor's experiences encourage well-informed career decisions.
The importance of a supportive network of colleagues.
Doing something useful to make a difference and how to appreciate a happy, supportive work environme
Taking time off before pursuing her PhD.
How a supportive department and a modified teaching schedule allowed for maternity leave.
How to sustain taking time off and pursuing the PhD later in life.
Advises how to keep family informed about research goals and progression from student to faculty mem
The importance of a supportive extended family in helping to balance school and children.
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Motivation for doing work: interacting with students and doing research that can make a difference i
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The importance of allowing yourself the opportunity to change your mind and reconsider your goals.
The importance of knowing what you want and expecting tradeoffs on the path to get it.
Making discoveries and collaborating with others brings satisfaction.
Creating a schedule and meeting an advisor's expectations.
Advises graduate students to take a semester off if they choose to have a child because it is too ch
Explains the role children play in career choices.
Using leisure activities to relieve stress and build friendships.
The satisfaction that comes from working with colleagues and interacting with others.
The decision to get married in graduate school.
The importance of maintaining a balanced lifestyle to alleviate stress.
Addresses personal relationship sacrifices.
The importance of nurturing relationships outside of academia.
Explains the choice to have children in graduate school.
Challenges with being married to a fellow academician and finding faculty positions.
How a flexible schedule as a professor made it possible to have a family and a career.
The importance of evaluating your priorities to create balance and happiness.
Appreciation for advisor's assistance in transitioning to the US.
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Chronicles the evolution of a career over time.
Suggestions for how to increase women's participation in science with an emphasis on policy change.
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How a positive advisor challenged his students to think for themselves.
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