• Learn to attend to the other person(s) with whom you are interacting.
• Learn to listen for the content of the message.
• Learn to notice nonverbal communication in others.
• Learn to identify critical information.
• Learn to ask open-ended questions.
• Learn to check for the other person’s perceptions.

“To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.” —Deborah Tannen, author and professor of linguistics, Georgetown University

“Active listening is not only a matter of making yourself available to hear someone talk, but it is showing the sender, physically, that you are receiving and understanding their message on all levels.” ―Susan C. Young

“There are a few specific skills that will help you to understand people and to help them feel safe and understood, and there’s one skill that will help you to do both of those things: listening.”
—Tania Israel, author and professor

Every day we participate in so many virtual and in-person conversations that we often take for granted how vital listening is to our personal and professional success. Because of the nearly constant stimulation we receive, we often put listening on “autopilot” and listen for only those things we want to hear. 

This is often referred to as “passive” or “distracted” listening. Many individuals—unless it has been pointed out to them or unless they’ve been trained otherwise—don’t even realize that’s how they listen.

Passive listening, while not inherently bad, may lead to problems or breakdowns in communication. Active listening, on the other hand, is a way of listening fully that improves mutual understanding. 

While it takes practice, active listening has a number of important benefits. By engaging in active listening, you can ensure that: 

• You get more accurate and complete information from others
• You check whether what you think you’re hearing actually matches what others are saying
• You pick up on others’ verbal and nonverbal implicit messages—those “hidden meanings” behind what’s being said explicitly in a conversation
• You better determine what effect(s) you’re having on others
• You promote listening in others
• You show respect and caring as well as building and maintaining rapport

Attending refers to your physical orientation towards the person with whom you are interacting. Attending behaviors involve conveying through our stance and posture (facing the other person directly, sitting up, and leaning forward when necessary) that we are paying attention to and interested in what the other person is saying. Attending can encourage others to share more because they perceive you as wanting to hear what they have to say.

Facial expressions, gestures, and gaze also communicate your level of listening, interest or engagement. For example, donning a friendly or serious face both send different messages, as does looking directly at the person or away from her. 

Similarly, having eye-to-eye or eye-to-face contact generally conveys engagement, while checking your phone or sketching on your folder can convey that you are not attending fully. 

You can also communicate your interest and engagement in small ways such as nodding or using short verbal encouragers such as “uh huh,” “I see,” or “ok”. These minimal responses encourage the other person to continue sharing his or her perspective, and can promote their listening behaviors as well.

Cultural Considerations: It is important to remember, however, that these attending behaviors reflect Western cultures, whereas people from other cultural groups may interpret the same behaviors (such as eye-to-eye contact or leaning forward) as disrespectful. Similarly, leaning forward or touching in an interaction between a woman and a man can be interpreted as conveying sexual interest. (See International Students.)

Listening in its most basic form is paying attention to and understanding the words being said by the person in the conversation; however, listening deeply and honing in on messages that are less than obvious are skills that are different altogether. 

Listening for content involves a focus on hearing and understanding the other person rather than on getting your own messages across. You can’t fully absorb or understand what someone is trying to say if you are busy thinking about what you are going to say next, or if you are listening only for what you want to hear.

Since one of the major goals of active listening is understanding someone else’s message completely, it becomes important to move beyond the content of a message to how it is communicated. It is estimated that between 60-90% of communication is nonverbal. 

Facial expressions, body posture and position, eye contact, and other aspects of body language can be as informative as the content of the words expressed in a message.

Nonverbal cues can provide rich information about the meaning of our interactions. For example, research has shown that negative emotions, such as fear and anger, are expressed mostly with the eyes, while happiness or satisfaction is expressed with the mouth [see Expressing Yourself]. 

The following table illustrates how some common nonverbal cues affect communication. Again, keep in mind that these cues reflect Western culture and some may directly contradict other cultural norms.

Table 1: Nonverbal Cues

Identifying critical information involves using verbal and nonverbal cues to make an assessment about the most important messages the other person is sending (see Expressing Yourself for more). 

Similar to listening for content, identifying critical information involves actively processing what is being said, and seeking out the essential meaning of what the person is conveying. However, listening for critical information also relies on understanding fully both the words and their associated body language, and reading the social cues laden in the situation.

The Three Elements of Critical Messages

Critical messages have three elements associated with them:

1. Explicit Content: this includes the actual verbal message being delivered as well as the explicit cues that are associated with the message.
2. Implicit Messages: this includes parts of the message that have some embedded or alternate message associated with them. This is also sometimes referred to as the hidden meaning.
3. Nonverbal Cues: these cues help you to interpret parts of the message that are not explicitly stated and associated with elements such as gaze, facial expression, body position, and rate or tone of speech.

Explicit Content

Identifying the critical information in a message can be challenging when you have to consider the words, the nonverbal behavior, what is left out, and more. However, there are some explicit cues that may signal the speaker’s critical message. 

Explicit content includes both what is said and the explicit cues associated with the message. The table below offers some examples of explicit cues that can be useful in identifying which parts of the verbal message are most important.

Table: Nonverbal Cues

Implicit Messages

Many times what is not said or how something is being said (the implicit or indirect message) is just as important as what is said (the explicit or direct message). To be an active listener, you should be prepared to pick up and consider the implicit along with the explicit because both are part of the message. 

For example: A professor says she likes her profession and has found a community that she loves. Her explicit message is that she is happy and comfortable; however, she is not necessarily saying that she wouldn’t leave if another position came along.

Implicit messages are not always easy to identify but it can help to ask yourself the following questions: What is not being said directly in this conversation? and What is being said beyond the words?

Things to Consider:

• Relying on words alone to form your impression of what is communicated gives you only part of the picture 
• An important aspect of listening for critical information is noting the implicit message, that is, what is not expressed directly. 
• Nonverbal communication (facial expressions, gestures, gaze, and vocal cues) also plays an important part in gathering implicit information. 

At times, there is a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal behaviors (e.g., a friend smiling when she is upset about something). You may feel confused or frustrated in trying to understand her message. See the table on verbal/nonverbal mismatch in Expressing Yourself for more on this topic.

The following table contains examples of an initial communication interaction and then points out the different levels of the message. As you can see, a good listener considers far more than the actual words to understand a message. 

In the instances below, you’ll also see that gender biases sometimes play a role in what and how messages are communicated.

Table: Identifying the Various Levels of a Message

Another important part of active listening involves giving others space to articulate their position. This starts with framing your questions in a way that directs the focus to the other person and their point of view. This is more difficult than it sounds, as we tend to ask questions that reflect our own views and interests.

Table: Closed vs. Open-ended Questions

By changing from a closed-ended question to an open-ended one, you keep the focus on the other person, and keep the flow of the conversation moving:

Table: Closed vs. Open-ended Questions Examples

Self-test

Vera, a second year industrial engineering student, is concerned that she is not performing as well as she should be. What is the best way for her to convey her concerns to her advisor?

Perhaps even more critical is ensuring that what you heard is what the other person actually meant. Each person in a communication interaction has characteristics and contexts that affect sending and receiving messages. Because of this, it is always best to verify your interpretation of messages (what you think the other person said or meant) throughout conversations. If you do not verify your interpretation, you may sometimes think you know what the other person is saying, only to later find out that you missed the speaker’s point.

Paraphrasing or summarizing back what you think you’ve heard to the other person is a great way to verify your perceptions. Doing so can help to foster mutual understanding and communicate to the other person that you are listening and care about fully understanding their perceptions. This process of perception checking involves three main parts as shown on the following table.

Table: Parts of Perception Checking

Active listening is an important skill to have in your communication toolbox. People can provide you a wealth of information that will be useful in your career. Listening in an active manner will ensure you hear them accurately and learn from them. 

Engaging in active listening with others will also lead others to listen to you more effectively. We all tend to give back what we get.

• Take some time in casual conversations to practice active listening with friends and family, concentrating on what they say, not what you plan to say. Try to understand them fully and be the one who spends the least amount of time talking.
• Practice asking all of your questions in an open-ended format over a trial period. Re-evaluate your progress regularly to see whether or not you are using that skill to get the most information possible out of an interaction or conversation.
• Pay particular attention to nonverbal cues in “down time” situations (on the metro/bus, waiting at a restaurant, airport, etc.). See if you can catch some of the meanings behind the actions.

Ambady, N., & Weisbuch, M. (2010). Nonverbal behavior. In S. T. Fiske, D. T. Gilbert, & G. Lindzey (Eds). The Handbook of Social Psychology (5th ed., Vol. 1, pp. 3-40) Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Bodie, G. D., St. Cyr, K., Pence, M., Rold, M., & Honeycutt, J. (2012): Listening competence in initial interactions I: Distinguishing between what listening is and what listeners do. International Journal of Listening, 26(1), 1-28. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2012.639645 

Burgoon, J.K., Stern, L.A., & Dillman, L. (1995). Interpersonal adaptation: Dyadic interaction patterns. New York, NY: Cambridge University.

Daniels, H., Grineski, S., Collins, T., & Frederick, A. (2019). Navigating social relationships with mentors and peers: comfort and belonging among men and women in STEM summer research programs. CBE Life Sciences Education, 18(2), ar17–ar17. https://doi.org/10.1187/cbe.18-08-0150

Ferrari-Bridgers, F., Stroumbakis, K., Drini, M., Lynch, B., & Vogel, R. (2017). Assessing critical-analytical listening skills in math and engineering students: An exploratory inquiry of how analytical listening skills can positively impact learning. International Journal of Listening, 31(3), 121–141. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2016.1222910

Fischer-Lokou, J., Lamy, L., Guéguen, N., & Dubarry, A. (2016). Effects of active listening, reformulation, and imitation on mediator success: Preliminary results. Psychological Reports, 118(3), 994–1010. https://doi.org/10.1177/0033294116646159

Jang, H. (2016). Identifying 21st century STEM competencies using workplace data. Journal of Science Education and Technology, 25(2), 284–301. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10956-015-9593-1

Kuhn, R., Bradbury, T., Nussbeck, F., & Bodenmann, G. (2018). The power of listening: Lending an ear to the partner during dyadic coping conversations. Journal of Family Psychology, 32(6), 762–772. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000421

Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E., & Robinson, M. (2014). The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13–31. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2013.813234

Wilkins, K. G., Bernstein, B. L., & Bekki, J. M. (2015). Measuring communication skills: Development of the STEM – Interpersonal Communication Skills Assessment Battery (STEM – ICSAB). Journal of Engineering Education, 104(4), 433-453. https://doi.org/10.1002/jee.20100

Wilkins, K.G., Bernstein, B.L., Bekki, J.M., Harrison, C.J., & Atkinson, R.K. (2012). Development of the Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics – Active Listening Skills Assessment (STEM-ALSA).  2012 ASEE/IEEE Frontiers in Education Conference Proceedings (1218 – 1223). https://doi.org/10.1109/FIE.2012.6462248

Wise, A., Hausknecht, S., & Zhao, Y. (2014). Attending to others’ posts in asynchronous discussions: Learners’ online “listening” and its relationship to speaking. International Journal of Computer-Supported Collaborative Learning, 9(2), 185–209. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11412-014-9192-9

Key Elements in Good Advising

The importance of being open and honest with your advisor.

The Importance of Sharing Stories

The importance of hearing other people's stories.

Hearing from Students and Having an Impact

The importance of giving back to students and making an impact in their future education and career choices.

Reflecting on "Why" and "How"

The importance of giving yourself credit and remembering why you are doing what you're doing.

Promoting Yourself to Your Family

Advises how to keep family informed about research goals and progression from student to faculty member.

Observations on Women's Safety (Part 2)

Discusses necessary precautions to take as a female student working late nights on campus.

Stubbornness and Tenacity

Highlights the obstacles faced when trying to have research reviewed by the advisor and emphasizes the steps necessary to make adequate progress in the program.

Help and Support from Other Administrators

How to seek support from administrators outside the department when dealing with departmental sexism.